Hold on to it…

I know I’ve been MIA for well over a month now. After 3 distressing pieces of news in my circle of family and friends, I was quite out of sorts. I did write a blog in December, but it felt insincere and self-indulgent and despite encouragement to post it, my instincts wouldn’t let me. So I didn’t. The pressure to post on time is always there and in whatever I did, there was this nagging thought that I’d missed my deadline for the blog. The pressures we put on ourselves! We think our friends and people who follow us will abandon us if we don’t put out a steady stream of content. If it’s true, I’m ok with it. I know for a fact that people who are meant to stay with me, always will. People who aren’t, will move on and that is perfectly fine with me. I find it detrimental to my self respect to hold on to people who don’t want to be held on to. So, I let the blog go. I feel a bit better now, able to have a conversation, so here I am. Hi! I hope everyone had a loving, peaceful Christmas and New Year.

A week and half ago, we (the whole family, 7 of us!) were sailing the ocean, enjoying exquisite food and drink and soft, warm island breezes. At the moment, we’re waiting for a giant winter storm to hit us this evening - 20cm snow, freezing rain, 70km/hr winds. How quickly times change! That’s the thought that’s spurred this conversation today. Time passes, things change and that’s what life is. It’s a quiet day at home today, with nothing exciting going on. The house is empty, the dog is sleeping and I’m sitting by the fireplace, writing this blog. It feels boring and too quiet. Despite that, there might come a time in the future when I might want to be here again. This day might seem exciting in comparison to some day in the future. It’s all relative, isn’t it? Is there then, a better reason to savour every day? Who knows where this day will fall in the list of ‘quality of days’. It’s an effort, for sure, this living for, and in the moment. I find I have to keep reminding myself of how fleeting time is and that I should be aware of each passing day. Makes sense that we truly cannot always live in this state of awareness - it’s too much pressure for our brain. Imagine if we had to treat each passing minute as a precious gift. Millions of minutes! Seems an impossibly tiring task. Still, once in a while, I think it might benefit us if we could go through a chunk of time in slow motion. Slow enough for it to actually register in our consciousness. Who knows, the memory of this particular day might sustain us in the future.

Most artists say the same thing about painting - be present in it. Watch what the paint does, don’t hurry to finish it, there is much beauty in the process. Applies to life too, as I see it. There’s beauty in this business of life, if only we were aware enough to actually see it. This day might be imperfect and boring and quiet, but I think I can virtually guarantee that I will miss it one day. I will miss being this age, I will miss my dog, my house, this mad weather (this last one though is iffy!). I will miss this stage of my life - that fact alone makes it perfect as it is and I need to love it, no matter what. And I promise I will, just as soon as I make it even more perfect with a cup of tea. Ciao! 👋🏻

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